Coherent? Bah, I doubt it

My first incentive for starting a blog came from gay stuff- I like gay stuff, and I like to write about it. Prompted by a couple of friends that believe in me, probably more than I deserve, I dreamt of a place to write down the ever-entertaining turmoil of my delightful, mostly-dyke posse, from the couples who are hanging up their hats, to the singles taking off their pants. It is like free brain stimulation of the most egregiously WRONG kind for me: watching my friend's lives at work and stealing it all for a petty blog. 

 

But damn so much fun. 

Think of where it could all go, the bounty is astounding really. My first thought was to try, likely pitifully, to describe the lesbian aversion to labels, and to comment on the fact that our staunch "non-labels" more deeply engrain us with those forbidden labels, rules, and roles for one another. In THAT blog would contain some kind of example of a conversation, a "non promise" conversation, where two dykes feel each other out for their future compatibility, always referring to their future, imaginary children/careers/dogs/pairs of keens as the "ifs and when" and in "I know I wont be ready for years, BUT-" terms. Sneaking sideways glances at one another they would each emit a series of examples of what they want, thrown out into space side-by-side, and tested for durability against the other's dreams. No labels, no promises, just a conversation that will be read into by both women as a marker, and which will mean the world and be the plan for the duration of the relationship, and carrying even greater emotional significance at the onset of the break up. Maybe that isn't just lesbians, maybe that is just relationships in general, although my thought is that due to the intensity of our domesticate-plan-domesticate-plan-organize-settle-domesticate-talk-it-out-plan-organize-settle-socialization, this conversation between two women often becomes a beast of its own....Ok so that was the start of one idea....

Then, despite all my plans, in true lazy-assed-Kaisa form, I totally forgot or neglected to get with the program. Many, many ideas that seemed great while I was stoned, made their way into my waterproof notebook, but have yet to materialize into the essays that I dream for them to be. Finishing a writing project in general has recently seemed a hopeful endeavor. That was, until this god damn one-year marker of my beautiful brother's passing, where suddenly all that fucking angst and sadness is bubbling up inside me, and I'm stuck in this privacy-less hell called 9007 NE 58th st., desperately seeking an outlet. Hence, the blog. So maybe it will be some gay stuff, and some brother stuff, maybe some travel stuff, the occasional rant...ok, so the everyday rant....it's hard to say. In any case, I feel like my brain is cranking in all these different chambers, with 10,000 thoughts and perspectives that my undiagnosed adult add can't sort out. 

Maybe a blog can to it for me.